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Really hoping to get some writing done...

Really hoping to get some writing done tomorrow. A lot of things bubbling to the surface the last few weeks. Not long ago, while out to dinner, my mother in-law said to me, "I have always wondered and admired the way you have managed to get over your childhood". Most who know me, know the history of my mothers addiction. I responded with some nonsense like, "well you know, our parents do the best they can with what they have and there is no use living in the past". This week, in the house, there has been a lot of discussion about formative years and how those relationships we had continue to play out well into our adulthood. It's been very easy for me to say, (particularly over the last few weeks), "you are this" or "you are that" but this morning I had an epiphany of who I am, of who I was. I was never the child - I was born into the caretaker role. Whether I was making sure my mom did not burn the apartment down at 6 or walking her back to bed after she thought the chair was a toilet at 7. This is my role - by choice or by habit, I don't really know. I am the one who will do the bills, I am the one who is always fighting to have control - When the truth is, I am not even happy when I have it. This stuff is not exclusive to me - we all have it. Two people do not walk into a relationship alone, they bring all the ghosts of their childhood with them. Even when they "think" they have moved past them....
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Update : 22-10-2017


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